‘Once Upon a Time … in Hollywood,’ Many Times Over

‘Once Upon a Time … in Hollywood,’ Many Times Over


In New York Metropolis, numerous artwork house cinemas, such as the Film Forum and Quad Cinema, have undergone renovations. New indie cinemas have opened, as well, including Metrograph, a two-screen theater that opened in 2016 on the Reduce East Aspect with a bar, cafe and bookstore, and is routinely rented out for premieres.

“A technology of folks who have only observed films at property now want to see them” in theaters, said Jake Perlin, 44, the artistic director at Metrograph. “They’re realizing that nothing at all is better than looking at a little something like ‘Bells Are Ringing’ with one more pair hundred persons.”

“I’ve been heading to the motion pictures quite a lot everyday for about 25 many years now,” Mr. Perlin added, “and this is probably the greatest time I can recall.”

When the Saturday evening screening of “Once Upon a Time” finished, the crowd broke into sustained applause. Many stayed in their seats to savor the credits sequence featuring Mr. DiCaprio.

Upcoming thirty day period, the “Once Upon a Time” screenings will move to the midnight slot, although like all of Mr. Tarantino’s films, it will probably be additional to the theater’s rotation. (Mr. Tarantino, who can help curate the theater’s programming, declined to be interviewed.)

Which is very good information for repeat viewers like Aaron Araki, 35, an Amoeba Audio staff who was standing exterior the theater, in which “Once On a Time” T-shirts ended up getting offered.

“What makes a movie genuinely rewatchable is if it has a whole lot of character, and character, and a actually great perception of spot,” Mr. Araki mentioned. “This motion picture offers them that, and they just want to be keep coming back and be in that place once more.”



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How to Deal With Grief at the Office

How to Deal With Grief at the Office


The only person you should really rely on to assistance you 100 % is you. Your boss’s task is not to offer you you unconditional ease and comfort and encouragement it’s to make positive you’re executing your task, which is to execute operate tasks the way he expects. If you simply cannot, that is on you to manage by, for instance, likely to remedy or in search of out a grief help team. You are unable to make your psychological labor a collaborative venture with co-workers.

If you certainly sense your place of work is chilly to the degree that you can no extended manage staying current, glance for a new occupation. If you never want to leave, you should explore with a therapist how to communicate with your boss before he decides independently it would be very best for you to go.


I operate for a tiny nonprofit. I like my position, my supervisor and the rest of our team, but I detest the quite “engaged” board of trustees. They frequently interfere with my function, upset our associates and disregard the staff members.

When I was employed two many years back, I made it apparent to the board that I was fascinated in sooner or later pursuing a graduate degree. It seems to be like I’ll be undertaking that subsequent fall, pending acceptance to a method, which I’ll locate out in the spring. I’ve currently specified my supervisor a heads-up that I was sending in applications, and he was supportive. I’m nervous that if I enable them know prior to I hear back again from the courses and then really do not get in, they may well end my deal in any case. If I wait much too extensive to notify them, I’ll place my firm into a tough location for selecting my replacement, Both way, they could make my very last months with this group depressing. What do I owe the board and my workforce?

— Nameless

This is the natural beauty of supervisors: They run interference with scary folks in exchange for superior titles and salaries than their subordinates. It’s easy to prioritize an underresourced workplace’s passions in excess of your have, particularly if you admire its purpose. Work, however, will not reciprocate selflessness. It will turn into accustomed to it. You owe only your agreed-upon conditions of detect. (Perhaps your contract needs two months in exchange for shelling out out unused holiday vacation?) It was considerate to loop your supervisor in early. Because you two have a superior relationship, preserve him up-to-date. He can get worried about what, when and how to convey to the board.

I’m a 70-yr-old male who is content to nevertheless be employed and evolving. Just about all my co-workers are considerably young than I. We have a terrific connection. I take pleasure in (most of) their conversations and glimpse ahead to function each working day.

Just one particular problem: Two girls explain to us every thirty day period when they are on their time period or when it is approaching. I don’t know what to say or do when they inform me this. I under no circumstances worked with other women who created their durations community.

What, if everything, really should I say when my co-workers announce they’re on their interval?

— Nameless

Be grateful you are not on your time period and say very little.

Caity Weaver is a writer for the Designs area and The New York Occasions Journal. Produce to her at workfriend@nytimes.com.



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Love in the Time of Trump: How Do You Approach Politics on Dating Apps?

Love in the Time of Trump: How Do You Approach Politics on Dating Apps?


Us citizens are observing an impeachment trial versus their president unfold, just as the country prepares for the Democratic primaries and caucuses. We’re dwelling in an period of heightened politics and divisiveness, and, for several, wherever you stand politically can come to feel as important a component of your identity as your religion or career.

Enter courting applications.

With just a few terms and an emoji, you can show no matter whether you are for or versus President Trump, how you will vote in the upcoming election and what perception process you’re on the lookout for in a partner.

Right here are a handful of new examples my editor and I spotted on Bumble: “Monthly donation to Bernie.” “Moderate.” “Jesus on my group ?.” “Just a different immigrant in United states.” “I’m fond of progressive/lefty politics and social justice.”

Furthermore, guessing probable matches’ political beliefs through clues in their bios — American flag emojis, marketing campaign slogans, spiritual references — can ascertain how you swipe.

If you’re on the applications, we would like to listen to how you express where you tumble on the political spectrum and what symptoms (constructive and damaging) you seem for when interpreting others’ profiles.

And if you are rolling your eyes at all of this, we also want to listen to that — tell us if and why you assume politics should have nothing to do with relationship.

You should fill out the variety under. We could publish a variety of the responses in an upcoming post.



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Prince Harry and Meghan to ‘Step Back’ From Royal Duties in Extraordinary Retreat

Prince Harry and Meghan to ‘Step Back’ From Royal Duties in Extraordinary Retreat


On Wednesday, the duke and duchess reported they would go on “to fully aid Her Majesty the Queen,” and would even now assist charities with which they are affiliated. But they mentioned they wished to give their 8-month-aged son, Prince Archie, “geographic balance” in his upbringing. Spending portion of the calendar year outside the house Britain, they claimed, would offer their household with “the house to aim on the future chapter, including the launch of our new charitable entity.”

The few did not say the place in North The united states they prepared to live, but royal watchers stated they predicted it to be Canada, not the United States. They expended several weeks throughout the vacations at a home on Vancouver Island, and the Duchess of Sussex, earlier recognised as Meghan Markle, lived in Toronto for several a long time, in which her television sequence, “Suits,” was filmed.

The duchess’s mother, Doria Ragland, life in Los Angeles, the place the duchess was elevated, and there have been occasional rumors that Prince Harry and his spouse planned to are living component of the calendar year in Southern California.

“It’s an incredible announcement,” stated Penny Junor, a royal biographer. “We will miss them, but I really do not feel it will be all that harmful to the royal spouse and children.”

Prince Harry already carries out a lot of his formal duties in the Commonwealth, of which Canada is a member. “The queen is queen of Canada, so there is some logic in that,” Ms. Junor stated.

Nevertheless, there ended up several unanswered thoughts, not least how the few prepared to assistance them selves. “Their charitable perform does not create revenue, and they have a pretty extravagant life style,” she explained.

Royal watchers described Wednesday’s announcement as “unprecedented,” though not altogether shocking, given the noticeable rising tensions within just the loved ones. Some noticed the couple’s conclusion not to commit Christmas with the queen and other members of the family members at her royal residence, Sandringham, as a sort of road examination for separating on their own from the spouse and children.



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That Fenty Gent: Rihanna’s ‘Right Hand,’ Jahleel Weaver

That Fenty Gent: Rihanna’s ‘Right Hand,’ Jahleel Weaver


At 33, Jahleel Weaver has pretty substantially received the celebrity-stylist lottery.

As deputy artistic director of Fenty, the women’s all set-to-dress in and accessories line launched by Rihanna in May possibly, his days are put in working alongside a 9-time Grammy Award winner whose clothing model is backed by LVMH, the French luxurious conglomerate, and launched to her passionate enthusiasts devoid of regard to common seasonal rhythms.

Theirs is a near relationship. “We converse nearly every day,” Mr. Weaver reported. “I feel I’m her little brother.” However Rihanna is young, at 31.

“Creatively, he is my appropriate hand,” she wrote of Mr. Weaver in an e mail, “but at the similar time, it’s as if we’re spouse and children.”

The path that led Mr. Weaver to assistance guidebook the most talked-about trend debut of 2019, launched by just one of the most influential ladies in well-known culture, was a lengthy and gently winding a person.

At 18, he moved from suburban Maryland to New York to research vogue design at LIM College or university. Mr. Weaver helped aid himself by operating in income at Jeffrey, the large-end retailer in the meatpacking district recognised for its in depth shoe office and attentive consumer support.

He immediately met some well-known customers, numerous downtowners working in tunes, and began to type various. “To be functioning for, and developing a brand,” Mr. Weaver explained, “I usually think about my encounter at Jeffrey.”

Mr. Weaver was also making inroads doing the job as a freelance stylist absent from the retail outlet, and it was on a person of these gigs that he achieved Mel Ottenberg, who is at present the innovative director of Job interview magazine. Mr. Ottenberg had just begun collaborating with Rihanna on her 2011 “Loud” tour and introduced Mr. Weaver on to help him.

Soon plenty of, Mr. Weaver and Rihanna turned inseparable, traveling the globe with each other. (Mr. Ottenberg proceeds to fashion Rihanna on celebration, as he did in 2018, dressing her when she was a host of the Met Gala in a stunning jewel-embroidered, papal-impressed Margiela ensemble.)

Mr. Weaver, while he proceeds to journey extensively, now life primarily in Paris. He moved there in early 2018 to start work on Fenty’s debut, a quite stress filled undertaking.

“How do you place almost everything that Rihanna signifies into 1 assortment?” Mr. Weaver claimed.

The reply arrived to the pair late a person night time in the type of a music metaphor: an album and its release. Relatively than settle on distinctive, themed collections shown two times a year, Fenty would drop capsule collections during the yr, considerably as singles are unveiled in excess of the system of an album’s rollout.

This would heighten anticipation and established the brand apart from the grind of the vogue pack.

“Each launch,” Mr. Weaver stated, “can converse to something unique,” with inspiration taken from different elements of Rihanna’s particular style, be it smooth futurism or the history of Cameo.

“At the conclude, you have a full album, a total body of get the job done,” Mr. Weaver mentioned. “I think that’s the splendor about our launch schedule — there is a piece of Fenty for everything you may will need to get dressed.”

Basing Fenty’s approach all-around on the internet drops was a radical go, jolting the outdated seasonal routine with the hectic cadence of quick manner. But Fenty has been even far more slicing-edge in providing people of coloration a put at the leading of an industry nonetheless plagued by racial inequality and insensitivity.

When Bernard Arnault, the chairman of LVMH announced Fenty, Rihanna turned the initially female and person of colour to set up a dwelling with the luxurious retail huge. At a time when higher-profile models continue to be plagued by racist missteps — just this calendar year Gucci was compelled to recall a balaclava knit-top rated that resembled blackface — the significance of Fenty’s debut was not lost on Mr. Weaver.

“All the obstacles that were damaged in that 1 working day, with that just one announcement,” he explained. “I really cried.”

Along with Mr. Abloh at Louis Vuitton and Olivier Rousteing functioning Balmain, Rihanna’s entry into the subject was more proof to many that adjust, on the other hand overdue, is lastly coming to the higher echelons of luxurious style.

Mr. Weaver is feeling optimistic. “Because of men and women like Ri constantly breaking limitations,” he said, “it would make it a ton a lot easier to exist in area where representation for people of colour didn’t always exist.”

And his personal position in that room?

“Honestly,” Mr. Weaver reported, “I assume I’m even now pinching myself.”



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Kumail Nanjiani and the Twilight of the Schlubs

Kumail Nanjiani and the Twilight of the Schlubs


On Monday, with a single Instagram post, another beloved schlub disappeared behind a set of muscles.

Kumail Nanjiani, best known for playing the most endearing of the nerds on “Silicon Valley” and the romantic lead in the film “The Big Sick,” shared an image of himself in which he looked significantly, well, stronger, than he did when he appeared in those roles.

He joined a select crew that includes John Krasinski and Chris Pratt. Those two actors were introduced to America as men of average musculature through office sitcoms; they are now covered in all kind of inflated ’ceps. Superhero franchises and the like have sucked in all three schlubs and many more besides, and made them mighty. Even everymen are now supermen.

“I never thought I’d be one of those people who would post a thirsty shirtless, but I’ve worked way too hard for way too long so here we are,” Mr. Nanjiani wrote in the photos’ caption. “You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.”

The photos of Mr. Nanjiani were taken by Mark Upson, a photographer and videographer in London who said that the shoot occurred toward the end of last week in the gym where Mr. Nanjiani works out. They were taken to appear on the actor’s Instagram account, Mr. Upson said, because Mr. Nanjiani was proud of what he had achieved.

Mr. Upson said that the photo had been color edited, the darkness of the background altered and some of the more unsightly items dropped out, but that nothing had been airbrushed.

“The body and everything you see of him really is him,” Mr. Upson said. “He’s super-confident. It’s good to see.”

Mr. Nanjiani did add a cautionary note to his big reveal. “I’m glad I look like this, but I also understand why I never did before. It would have been impossible without these resources and time.” He thanked various trainers, a catering company and his wife, Emily V. Gordon, who wrote “The Big Sick” with Mr. Nanjiani.

Ms. Gordon tweeted, saying “My husband works hard for every role he takes, but he’s worked hard in many new ways for this one. I’m so proud of him. I always have been. Also, we spent the majority of this past weekend playing Borderlands 3 so don’t think he’s changed too much.”

Mr. Nanjiani wrote on Instagram that he had undertaken the transformation for his role in “The Eternals,” an upcoming Marvel film. (His publicist said he was not available to comment.) Similarly, Mr. Pratt and Mr. Krasinski both became visibly stronger before their first high-profile appearances in action films.

At this rate, and with superhero movies and television shows continuing to rake in money at the box office, it feels as if no schlub will be left untouched by Hollywood’s thirst for stars who look believable when doing superpowered things.

Given the dominance of action franchises available in Hollywood now, the stakes have become even higher for actors to become noticeably fit, according to Gunnar Peterson, a Los Angeles trainer whose gym is visited by actors including Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck.

“There are huge franchise movies, there are big paychecks,” Mr. Peterson said. “You put yourself in a position to work more if you’re in better shape, I think.”

He added that he had seen a change in what his male clients were after in the past decade or so.

“Guys used to want to be lean,” he said. “And now they talk about full body and performance. They want to be athletic. It’s evolving. I started training people in ’85. Its different — it’s evolved through the ’90s and I think it’s on an uptick back to size and lean mass.”

Alison Field, the chair of epidemiology at Brown University whose research focuses on identifying the causes and correlates of eating disorders, said in an interview Monday that, over the past decade, the body images with which young men were presented had changed quite a bit.

“I think people in general associate weight concerns with females, but I think they happen as often in males,” Dr. Field said. “There’s so much targeting of messages and images to males. In females, there’s sort of this belief that you can never be too small. Males get the message that they can be too small, so you have pressure about stature, about physique and having very unrealistic body images portrayed to them and really marketed to them.”

Dr. Field said that the more extreme and unrealistic versions of images of male physiques may also encourage the use of workout supplements, which she said were thoroughly under-regulated and a “huge concern.”

For actors of all genders, dramatic physical transformations are part of the job.

“For your average person to achieve a similar physique would not be worth the time and effort,” Dr. Field said. “Having that much preoccupation with their body shape would not be healthy.”





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Where the Dom Pérignon Flows Downtown

Where the Dom Pérignon Flows Downtown


Little Sister

Downtown Manhattan

A petite blonde in a tight ponytail sashayed through the metal doors into the depths below. But three 40-something women in puffy coats grimaced when told it’s reservations only. An unshaven man in a black beanie couldn’t take the wait anymore and stormed off.

Little Sister, which opened under the Moxy NYC East Village Hotel in September, is the latest slice of the Hamptons to land right on the edge of the once-gritty East Village. There aren’t any graffiti-covered bathrooms and beer-soaked floors; instead this glittery lounge offers gold-speckled lacquerware tables and leather banquettes firm enough to withstand the sharpest stilettos.

The Place: Located across the street from Webster Hall, and three floors below ground, the golden-hued room was designed by the Rockwell Group and features curved wooden beams and a sheet of crystal whisky decanters anchored to the ceiling. It’s like partying in a ship’s hull.

The Crowd: Around midnight on a recent Friday, the lounge was filled with 20-somethings from a financial consulting company who swayed in reluctant harmony. A nearby table full of late-40s businessmen in French cuffed shirts danced strenuously with younger women in short, flouncy dresses and thigh-high boots.

They downed Dom Pérignon while one woman shimmied clumsily on the velvet couches. One man with a South American accent was overheard telling his date, “Always tip the bathroom attendant first, then you can do anything you want.”

The Playlist: DJ Price, a regular here, mixed upbeat club favorites like “Empire State of Mind” by Alicia Keys and Jay-Z, and “Juicy” by Notorious B.I.G. with newer hits including “Truth Hurts” by Lizzo and “Dancing With a Stranger” by Sam Smith and Normani.

Getting in: Guarding the front door with praetorian precision is Wass Stevens, the former assistant district attorney, ex-boxer and longtime doorman, who has made and ruined many clubgoers’ nights. If he knows you, you’re in. If not, better luck next time. Try making a reservation online, but it’s no guarantee.

Drinks: You may want to check your credit limit before ordering. While most cocktails are about $20, including the Sister Midnight (made with Botanist Gin, Maraschino Liqueur, Lemon and Crème de Violette), the drink menu also includes a bottle of Remy Martin Louis XIII that goes for $10,000, as well as glow-in-the-dark jeroboams of Dom Pérignon for $7,600. An eight percent administrative fee (not a tip) is also added to the bill.

Little Sister, 112 East 11th Street (between Third and Fourth Avenues); 212-888-1095; Littlesisternyc.com. Open Thursday to Sunday, 11 p.m. to 4 a.m.



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Loewe Opens a Store - The New York Times

Loewe Opens a Store – The New York Times


Loewe looks as if it’s pronounced like Lowe’s, the home improvement store, but it is triple syllabic, Lo-Way-Vay. The company, based in Madrid, is now in its 174th year, and its new store, on Greene Street in SoHo, is its first in New York. Originally a collective of leather craftsmen, the house expanded in 2013, when Jonathan Anderson was named creative director, and has since gained fashion (and presumably financial) traction.

Now Loewe sells craft-focused ready-to-wear and accessories that take pride in cultural references, like Mr. Anderson’s recent capsule collection inspired by the Arts and Crafts tile designer William De Morgan.

Inside the store, furniture and artworks are arranged to feel like a collector’s apartment (a retail concept the brand calls Casa Loewe). The aesthetic is muted deluxe: walk-worn original oak floors, girthy terra-cotta vases full of petaled branches, a mix of stark and playful art, Campaspero limestone, and, on the low black coffee table, a gilded rat with gem eyes (by the artist Thomas Lanigan-Schmidt).

My favorite décor was a set of sculptural baskets. On the Loewe Instagram page there’s an interview with Joe Hogan, the basket-maker whose willow pieces are featured in the store. “Everything is a learning curve, you know,” he said. “You think, but could I improve that? So every time I make a basket, I’m asking myself that question. Is there anything I would do differently? Or change or improve?”

Covetable puzzle bags ($2,900), dog-belly soft derby shoes ($790), wallets and De Morgan’s fantastic dodo birds, otters and dragons popped against the store’s gray stucco walls. It’s cohesive like an inherited villa: The architecture is left to its natural state, the objects are in love with one another.

The clothes are in love, too. Things are always coming undone and falling away from Mr. Anderson’s clothes, like fine gold strands that hang from a sheer blouse, a floor-length cape dress with sleeves that fall open when untied, and fuzzy animals embroidered on sweaters with untrimmed fringe fur.

These are clothes to be painted in, but absolutely never to paint in. Proportions are fun and singular. If you’re in competition to find the world’s chunkiest scarf, Loewe has it for you.

Upon hearing I was searching for white pants to wear to a wedding in January, a kind salesman (all of them wear the brand’s signature asymmetrical hem shirts, which cost from $790 to $950 for a white button-up and $390 for a T-shirt) brought me two pairs of billowy drawstring pants that weren’t on the floor yet ($790).

They were dramatic. They were wide enough to be a wedding tent for dodo birds, if they kept the invite list to close friends and family.

I also tried some white $790 Fisherman Jeans. The verdict: amaranthine chicness, but too expensive to be worn around fish. The lace on a $3,990 Lace Petal Skirt lay around me like fins, with a hanging pearl at the end of each fold. Wow. Mastery cannot be improved.

As I ascended to the second floor, the music was striking enough to Shazam. My best guess for genre would have been “bloopy trance.” Among the top tracks by Bjorn Torske: “Ode to a Duck,” “Clean Air,” “Fresh From the Bakery.” The track I heard was called “Nestor.”

In the upstairs dressing room, I took selfies in a $1,250 fur-trimmed button-up and a $1,100 beanie with knit horns. When a saleswoman told me the beanie’s price, I gave my best “considering it” face and said, “Not today.”

Following that discomfort, I throttled myself into an inquiry light-years from the realm of possible acquisition and asked if the store’s couches were for sale. I don’t have the funds for a Loewe leather hot dog key chain (exists, $390), but may I please get a price check for this very substantial faint gray linen Axel Vervoordt couch?

My ease tilts in the presence of truly fine things; they are none of my business, and the wanting gives shape to a void I don’t want to outline. But I was very moved by one particular basket, the wood holding itself together. The stairwell between Loewe’s two floors has a lone mounted basket with a branch tucked in it. I pictured the person who hung it, then walked down the stairs to look at it, then walked up to adjust it, then down to look, up to place the branch, down to look, up to move the branch a little, down to look. Taste is not naming or acquiring; it’s appreciating the sheer effort toward improvement.

At Lowe’s right now there’s a sale on called 12 Days of Craftsman. Craft is at the core of the Loewe brand, and Craftsman is a core brand at Lowe’s. This is a fun sentence that, I hope, shows some craft on my part. I will buy a Craftsman V20 20-Volt Max ½-in Cordless Drill (Charger Included) to hang a basket on my wall. And then I will wait to find a perfect branch, dead yet luxurious, untamed wood in tamed wood, a contrast I can appreciate every day.

In this inspirational way, Loewe is my favorite home improvement store.


Loewe

79 Greene Street, 646-350-1710; loewe.com

Vibe A little bit Museum of Natural History, a little bit art fair.

Service The sales staff is attentive, and I liked that I was effortlessly offered men’s wear options along with women’s wear. Points for also being museum docents.

Pricing A knitted, spiked cashmere dragon-tail hat costs $2,650. Craft costs.



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The Catastrophist’s 2019 Tech Gift Guide

The Catastrophist’s 2019 Tech Gift Guide


The optimistic view of the last 10 years of consumer technology is that hundreds of millions of people used unbelievable new devices and services to take part in explosive new economies and cultures.

The savvier take is to note that consumer tech — most of the all the smartphone — has been a force for change, but its benefits have not always been distributed in ways that are equitable, safe or desirable.

Or maybe you are filled with dread by the devices you have allowed into your life over the last decade, all but paralyzed by the knowledge that the nightmare of surveillance, invasion and exploitation in which you live was the direct result of a few thoughtless choices you made in a Best Buy or clicking around on Amazon.

You’re in a horror movie. Your phone is the guy who showed up in town claiming to be your brother. It’s the third act. The soundtrack is all rumbling low sounds and screeching violins. You wouldn’t wish this upon anyone.

This is the gift guide for you.

Optimistically: Video doorbells used to be exclusively for the rich or highly security conscious. Now, starting at $100, or $17 a month, anyone can install one. Give grandpa a Ring home-security system, and in a few minutes he’ll have an HD video feed from outside his door, with night vision, customizable motion alerts. He’ll be able to let you into his house with his phone, even if he’s not there!

Critically: With any connected device, there are security concerns. While a Ring camera would let Grandpa see who is outside his door, press reports have suggested that Ring has not taken sufficient care with user data and that its devices are subject to security flaws.

Ring, which is now owned by Amazon, also makes connected alarms and surveillance cameras for inside and outside the home. Several breaches of those devices have been documented. One report, out of Mississippi, involved a man hacking into an 8-year-old girl’s bedroom security camera and “repeatedly calling her a racial slur and saying he was Santa Claus.”

What did Ring have to say about that? “Unfortunately, when the same user name and password is reused on multiple services, it’s possible for bad actors to gain access to many accounts.” Does Grandpa change his passwords?

Catastrophically: Your nephew does not have an Apple device. He and his friends all have Android phones. He’s due for an upgrade on his plan, though, and your generosity — you gave him an Apple Watch last year! — has finally nudged him to Apple.

This is a bigger change than he thought it would be. He spends a week or two troubleshooting group texts with his pals, because for some reason they aren’t all showing up for everyone. Maybe? It’s hard to tell. Group texts with other classmates, classmates with iPhones, some of whom have AirPods and Apple Watches themselves, are seamless, fast and easy.

Your nephew begins to recognize his privilege, but not in the good way. One of his old friends had been thinking of your nephew as something more, but his texts were green, and your nephew’s were increasingly blue, and they lose touch after graduation. He was your nephew’s soul mate. Your nephew dies alone.

Alternatively: Socks?

Optimistically: Last time you saw your aunt, she mentioned making a family tree. She’s getting older. You are, too. Legacy and history and the future are on your mind, and it’ll be something nice to talk about through the holidays. The genealogy sites do DNA tests now, too, so in addition to allowing your aunt to sift through millions of documents reconstructing your family’s journey through time, and the world, she can better understand where her distant ancestors were from. It’s a gift that may bloom into a hobby.

Critically: Genealogy is a tricky subject — “let’s figure out the family tree!” can bring the family together but is something that can become more emotionally complicated with age. Some genealogy sites, particularly those that do DNA testing, have come under scrutiny for how they handle extremely private information.

Optimistically: Spotify, Apple Music, Tidal — for about $10 a month, you can buy your mother access not only to the music she always talks about, but also to more music than she, or anyone, could listen to in a lifetime. She can use it on her phone. She can use it on her smart speaker, which you bought for her three years ago. You’ll set it up and everything!

Critically: Signing someone up for a subscription, even if you prepay the first year, can seem presumptuous. You’ve been on Spotify for years; it’s where your music collection lives, and you take it for granted, which is another way of saying it represented a pretty big change to your life.

The streaming music economy has turned out better than it could have, but these services still represent yet another middleman between musicians and listeners. These companies apply further downward price pressure on music as the digital economy in which they are second-class citizens applies downward price pressure on them. Does Mom still use her smart speaker, anyway?

Catastrophically: Your parents do not still use their smart speaker; your mother read some articles about it, and it got logged out of her accounts, and she didn’t want to ask you how to log it back in. This will be the fifth time in so many years that their child has tried to upgrade their lives with some new piece of technology; they both wish you would notice that they haven’t been using most of their gifts but make an effort to appear to be doing so when you’re around.

It’s a peculiar mixture of gratefulness and shame. They know you’re not exactly flush right now, and appreciate the gesture. But each birthday, each holiday, is accompanied by an interminable seminar on how to use some new object, or to join some new network. It’s coming from the right place, and yet it feels like the consultants have come to town to “modernize” the increasingly incomprehensible electronic workplace that their life has become.

They can never tell you this. They hardly allow themselves to think it. The hole is too deep. Your parents love you too much to resent you. They forget about their gift until your mother gets an auto-renewal notice in her email just before holiday season 2020. Your mother thinks about calling you. Your father calls the Geek Squad.

Alternatively: Gift certificate for a date night? (Printed.)



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